The odd things I find myself doing and saying now that I'm a parent

Everyone who's a parent knows that once you cross that road from child-free to parenthood, your life is never the same and all your preconceived thoughts and ideas about what you would and would not let your child do, play with, eat, etc are just completely out the window. For example, the germ-freak in me never would have thought I wouldn't bat an eye about dirty pacifiers, stepped on animal crackers and sippy cups from yesterday going into his mouth. I never would have imagined myself letting him play with tubes of lipstick from my makeup drawer, metal utensils or our cordless phones just to keep him happy for 5 minutes while I finish what I am doing. And I certainly never would have imagined that these phrases tend to come out of my mouth, very nearly on a daily basis:

"Noah, why is there a night-light, a piece of tupperware and a bunch of Lego's inside the litter box?" (meanwhile a light bulb is going off in my head as to why the cat has been following me around whining for 3 hours…)

"Where did you get that animal cracker you’re eating—I haven’t bought any in 3 months!" (I swear he stashes things all over the house to have for a “rainy day)

"Stop eating cat food...remember you didn't like it the last time either!"

"If you pull the cat’s tail one more time and she hurts you, don’t come running to me"

"How on earth did you reach that?" or
"How did you get all the way up there?" or
"How did you get your head stuck in that?" or
"How do you plan to get down from there?"

"We've been over this, You cannot eat lunch with a pacifier stuck in your mouth" or
"Please stop chewing on your foot so I can finish feeding you your dinner"

"Where did your diaper go?" closely followed by:
"What is this puddle from?"

"Sure you can play with this metal fork…just give me 5 more minutes on the phone…"

"How did you get the phone...OMG why is it dialing...did you call China...again?"

"There is a reason we take our clothes off for a bath"

"Night-night sweetie. If you sleep past 6a.m I’ll let you eat cookies for breakfast"

I've only been in the shower 140 seconds--how did you possibly empty my entire nightstand, closet and dresser onto the floor in that short time span?"

and the phrase I probably say most often these days:
"Oops, I thought that was baby-proofed..."