The Passport Ordeal

A few weeks ago I got the bright idea that I needed to get a passport for Noah. We don't have any trips planned with him where we would need one but with David leaving the country nearly every week for work and Stacy living in Canada at the moment, you never know when a last minute trip may pop up where I would need a passport or some ID at least for Noah. I figured it would be easier to get it taken care of now than in the hustle of actually planning an international trip. Boy was I wrong. You couldn't pay me to do that again. I don't know if any of you have ever successfully gotten an approved passport picture for your toddler or not but if you have, all I'm gonna say is your child must be better behaved than mine...or you must have a sweet, well behaved GIRL and not a rambunctious boy who can't sit still for a second even if his life depended on it. And his life very nearly DID depend on it because I very nearly strangled him before this process was over...

I really thought this would be an easy process--pick up a form and fill it out, swing by CVS to get a passport photo then off to the post office to turn the form in. Ha! The form part was fairly easy but I was told when I picked it up that I would need to make an appointment to actually turn it in. I thought that was a little odd but I was glad I found out before I just showed up. I then found out that both David AND myself would have to be present, which does make sense, but with him traveling all the time it was a bit inconvenient. So then I had to go back and get the form for him to sign giving me permission to get Noah's passport and of course the form had to be notarized, but still..not too big of an ordeal. After doing some thinking I decided it may be easier to take Noah to a "real" photo studio for his picture rather than relying on some 19 year old at a busy Walgreen's who has never worked with young children before. So, I went to the local camera shop where they have an attached photo studio. Their passport pictures cost the same and I figured they HAD to have more experience with toddlers....Well, the 19 year old "photographer" (how ironic) at this store hadn't a clue how to deal with a toddler and managed to miss several good opportunities to take Noah's picture because he was fumbling around with his camera and completely missed the point that timing was crucial and hard to come by with one Noah's age. He then scared Noah, made him cry and Noah then would have nothing to do with the camera. Because of the strict passport picture regulations I couldn't hold him or anything. He had to be standing or sitting in front of an all-white background. By the time the "teenager" was ready again, Noah was traumatized and screaming and running wild through the store. He wouldn't go near the camera. With all the customers in the store starting to stare at us I just scooped up Noah and sneaked out feeling completely embarrassed and defeated. I then found a "great" website that said I could take his picture in the comfort of my home, upload it to their site and they would check to see if the photo met US passport approval and then mail me passport photos for only $5. I thought this was my saving grace. I spent all day trying to get the perfect picture on our only all-white wall. I finally got one where he was even looking straight at the camera and smiling only to be told by this website that the picture would be rejected because you aren't allow to smile in a passport photo! What??!! After reading the fine print that this rule is waived for babies and toddlers I decided to order the pictures anyway. They came from Europe which had me worried but they finally arrived and I was ready to make my "appointment" at the post office.

I had my appointment for this morning at 10:30. I gathered up the forms, the notarized forms, Noah's birth certificate and the pictures that I was so relieved to have. I arrived for my appointment (15 minutes early thank Goodness) and discovered I shouldn't have been filling out the forms while helping Noah build a legos tower because I had inadvertently signed on the line which clearly states "Do not sign here until told to do so by Passport Representative or your form will be rejected". Oops. So, after some disapproving looks from the postal worker, I quickly transferred all the info to a new form and Noah and I were taken into the "passport room" for the process. The nice postal worker went through all the papers, my ID, Noah's birth certificate, etc and did all the preliminary work. I even paid for everything and raised my right hand and took the "passport oath" on Noah's behalf. When I handed her my photos she said "I hope you didn't pay for these because these won't work at all". My mouth dropped. I asked why, because I had carefully measured the head to chin distance (has to be a certain length) and checked it against all the picture regulations posted on the website. Her reason was that because the way the picture was printed, she felt that the color of Noah's skin tone wasn't an exact match. She said the photo printer made it seem like his skin had slightly too much "orange" in it. While that may be the case, he CLEARLY looked Caucasian (with his pale skin, blue eyes and red hair...hello!) so I really don't think that any border officials would stop me and say "Excuse me Mrs. Nelson, but this can't be your son because your son's skin should be more orange according to his passport picture..." So, I just sighed and very nearly laughed aloud when she said "Don't worry, we'll just get his picture here..." Yeah right.

I don't even have to give all the details but suffice it to say it was a disaster. Once again Noah was terrified to have to sit on this big metal stool in front of the white backdrop, the postal worker couldn't figure out the camera, managed to miss several opportunities and even deleted the one good picture she got. Noah was crying the whole time, jumping off the stool, running around the room, taking off his socks and shoes and throwing them at me, messing with the computer, pulling up the blinds and making faces at the other patient people waiting in line for their passport (since by this time we had spilled over into 2 more time slots and were completely holding up the line). She even called in reinforcement and this second lovely woman ALSO managed to delete the one good picture we had. We even tried strapping him into his stroller to avoid the metal stool but then we couldn't get the white sheet to completely cover the stroller straps so that "wouldn't be acceptable for US passport requirements". I think whoever came up with these stringent photo requirements for children must NOT actually have any! The picture they decided on was just plain terrible. He was screaming, eyes were squinted, he's looking away from the camera and I think he is clutching a spoon in his hand. Somehow this is supposed to be "a more aceptable passport picture" than the one I brought where he is sitting straight up, perfectly centered, eyes wide open/looking straight ahead and smiling. The best part was in the end when they asked me how soon we were traveling so they would know if they needed to expedite the passport. I told them we weren't going anywhere, I just wanted him to have a passport. You should have seen the evil look they gave me as if to say "then why the **&$#* are you putting us through all this hard work?!" The ladies escorted me out while apologizing to everyone else in the line. They managed to mention, several times, that Noah was the toughest toddler they'd ever tried to photograph. Thanks. I gathered that. I wanted to add that if they're going to charge $15 for passport pictures perhaps they should take a class or 2 in how to actually work a camera and how to take photos of scared children. But, I refrained.

Noah was so desperate to get out of this place he actually climbed into his stroller by himself and strapped himself in (and he usually hates to sit in the stroller!) All that misbehaving must have been exhausting for Noah because 2 minutes after getting him into the car he, very wisely, fell sound asleep. He knows it is impossible for any human to be mad at an adorable sleeping child..with that halo over the head and all.